some thoughts

Being a stay home mum is a strange thing. I never thought I would be a full-time mum, therefore, I didn't have any particular image or fancy about it. I guess this is why when people ask me about my feeling of being a full-time mum, I usually don't have a answer, I can not describe the feeling. I think this is good for me, I am a big brain person. If I had chance to imagine it, probaby I would be haunted by my preconception and would be scared or disappointed due to the different level I stick to my "idea".

I enjoy nursing Zoe and of course get tired of it as well. The most difficult part for me right now ( I know in the short future, I will have to deal with different issue along her growth and development) is the strange sense of time. I seem have a lot of time because I am home most of the time, but feel I seem does nothing at the end of each day. Everyday, the first phone call from Wayne, he always asks my plan of the day. I can only nominate one or two things. Comparing to mums I know back in Taiwan, I feel I indeed am a turtle.

Yesterday, got a phonecall from a staff from UWS where I now take one year off for studying art therapy. She said she was happy about my final case study which I handed in nearly one month later after giving birth to Zoe. Also, for the recogintion of my training in Taiwan, I am currently contacting an related organiztion to inquiry about applying assessment. Then last night, I had a dream that I was about to give a speech without proper preparation because Zoe needed her nappy changed. If I can work as a counsellor in Australia, I know I will be very happy but how can I manage bringing up Zoe? In the dream, my parents were with me. In the reality, only me and Wayne.

However, no matter what. The first issue is that I have to deal with my fear of not speaking correct English if I want to go back to the workforce. This fear becomes so heavy after the MOT course where I was criticized by native speakers.